COPING WITH LOSS

Here are some suggested ways for coping with the everyday feelings and realities that occur during the time of loss, grief and bereavement.

• Be gentle with your own feeling process. Avoid self-judgment. Do not say “I should have”.
• Find a supportive person or persons you can trust. Share your honest feelings. Give yourself time for healing. The timing of grief cannot be rushed. Plan your time so that you have specific time to focus on your loss and special time to escape from the pain of the reality of what you are facing.
• When you experience fear, anger, helplessness, sorrow, pain, emptiness, isolation, depression, and relief - it can be very confusing. Questions to ask yourself which help you to focus are: How do I feel right now? (Check body sensations, thoughts and emotions); What do I need right now? (Focus on immediate, attainable needs) How can I meet (or get a supportive friend to help me meet) these needs right now?
• Try to maintain as regular a schedule as possible. Avoid unrealistic expectations/goals for yourself.
• Maintain an awareness of your body’s need for nutrition and rest. If symptoms arise that are new or unusual, see your physician.
• Listening to your body is critical during this period of time. Listening is different than doing something for your body. Listening means to honor the messages your body is sending you. Words or tears that are unexpressed can cause a lump in our throats. Anger that is held inside can give us an upset stomach, headache, or tight neck and shoulders. Wringing hands, shakiness or queasy stomach can express fear. Guilt or resentment can feel like physical burdens we are carrying (I feel like I weigh a ton). Sorrow or depression can feel like pressure or breaking in our heart or chest area. Breathing may be labored or we may breath great sighs. Often a combination of these feelings is felt. It can be helpful to ask the part of the body that feels these sensations the following questions: If you could talk, what would you say? What picture or symbol best expresses you right now? What do you look like? What is happening right now?
• Writing a letter or drawing a picture of your loss or grief can be a healing way to get your feelings from the inside to the outside. Writing to others whom you feel incomplete with, or writing a letter to yourself, or to an institution, physician, hospital, or even to God, enables you to process what your body longs to say. It also enables you to release anger, frustration, and isolation and move to a forgiving, life-affirming love for yourself and those who have touched your life.

From The Life Center of the Suncoast, Inc. www.lifecentertampa.org