The Mask

One area I did not get rolfed was my face. I decided my walking ability, and the ability to put my arms up and back were more important. However, the past month I have watched my face steadily take on a fixed image. My mouth no longer smiles and I have what looks like frown lines from the corners of my lips. I did try to force my lips up into a smile as my own form of physical therapy and the pain was immense. I did, however, manage to lift the corner of my left lip ever so slightly.

When I first looked into a mirror and saw my face with the mask, I was shocked. That could not be me! I am a person who has always smiled and laughed and now I looked like an old hag or crone with a bad attitude. I have always avoided looking into mirrors which is why I did not notice the subtle changed in my face any earlier. It hurts to see yourself looking like a completely different person. First I gained 60 pounds from all my meds and then my face changes. I admit, I feel a bit sorry for myself and I cried for a short time, actually I leaked since I don’t ever actually cry. Just tears leaking from my eyes. I had to put a stop to that pity party as quickly as possible as that is not who I want to be.

I am contented with the person inside this skin, even if I am not contented with the outside shell. I guess I just need to remember that, after all, my outside body is just a shell that holds my soul and my self. I just need to remind myself of that when I happen to glance in a mirror.

May peace and health be with you all.