The Importance of Learning to Swim

I have given some thought to how my therapist has impacted my life. I (and several friends who also go to him) call him Dr. C, but, beyond that, what role has he played in my life? For a while, he was a father figure. He taught me much of what I should have learned from my father and, for that matter, my mother, and that was a comfort and much appreciated. Now, though, that role has been fulfilled. He is not a friend, though his wife is a good friend of mine. Finally, I decided he is my lifeguard.

When I first started with him (6 years ago in January, 2010) I was a mess emotionally and psychologically. I felt like I had been tossed out of a boat during a hurricane and I was drowning. He would throw me the lifeline but it never quite reached me and I had to reach out for it. Then he would encourage me to pull myself to the boat while he also hauled on the line. This happened week after week, twice a week, for almost 2 years before I found a calm place in the lee of the boat and he taught me how to swim. At that point I went down to once a week visits.

When MSA came calling, the hurricane built up force and, once again, I was thrown into the tempest and once again he threw me the lifeline. Once again, I had to make my way to it and work to be pulled back aboard the boat. Now, after another year or so of twice a week hurricane winds, I am looking for another calm spot in the lee of the boat. This time, my lifeguard is swimming next to me, reassuring me that I can do it. I can cut back to once a week and survive. He has given me the skill to swim and find my way, even in the dark, back to the boat. I am afraid, though, of what will happen if the storm clouds come back in the middle of the week. He tells me he is only a phone call away, and he always returns his phone calls. He also assures me that he will always be there, ready to throw out the lifeline in case I ever need it again.

During the last two months our cat of 15 years died and 3 weeks later our dog of 13 years died. Now our last remaining dog is going through mourning and has the same disease his sister had so we are also living with anticipatory grief. These deaths, on top of the deaths of family members and the family on the Shy-Drager online support group have taken a toll on my swimming ability so I am going to remain a bit longer on twice a week. However, I will decide every Tuesday if I can go a full week without his guidance and cancel my Friday appointment when I feel confident. I believe I will cancel more often than I keep that appointment. That is, unless I get derailed by another fierce blow by MSA or other family difficulties. Our other Akita is the brother of our lost one and so is also 13 years old and in frail health. We feared we would lose him to grief over his sister, but with lots of love and attention from my husband/my caregiver, he is doing well and once again is able to smile. Dr. C carried me through those weeks and got me back into the water to hang onto the lifeline and gradually start swimming again, further and further from the boat.

So, I give honor to him, Dr. C. for being there whenever I needed him and for teaching me to swim well enough to get back to the boat and climb the ladder to safety. What more wonderful gift could one human give another than to provide someone with the tools to learn how to swim not only back to the boat and climb the ladder, but also how swim to shore and safety without the need of a constant lifeline.