Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Last Night I had the Strangest Dream

Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream

I was on a shoreline with a long concrete road going out into the water. It was 6 lanes wide with the center 2 lanes filled with construction equipment. All 4 of the other lanes were going only one way and that was out to the end of the pier. Almost to the end there were 2 cross lanes set up almost like a cross. These were only 2 lanes wide. All of the cars going out were at a standstill as no one could turn around and go back to shore. The edges of the pier were not a steep dropoff but angled gently into the sea so you could wade out into the deep. The water gently dropped off from an inch to about a foot every few feet or so. In the deep away from the pier there were massive ships from a cruise ship several stories high to ore carriers. Those of us wandering around at the edge of the water all decided we would not want to be on that ship in case of a hurricane. As we were watching I saw a yellow amphibious submarine painted brightly with flowers driving toward us in the shallow water only a foot deep. I yelled to the woman in front of me to move and we darted back. The yellow submarine had wheels like a 747 but its belly was only about 3 feet off the ground. It turned right into me and tried to run me down. I fell down and tried crawling on my back with my hands and feet under me as I looked up at the monster hovering over me. It could turn faster than I could and was much more maneuverable and I knew it was going to kill me.

It does not take a PhD to know what that yellow submarine stood for. MSA is coming for me and I cannot outrun it. I can evade but I cannot escape.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Life in good now

I am actually much improved over where I was 6 months ago, at least in some ways. The Tai Chi classes have improved me so much that my neuro has reduced my visits to every 6 months instead of 4. The one bummer is my nephrologist wants me off Celebrex and I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. My pc says we will watch my blood work and as long as my kidney function does not go down any more I can stay on it. I also have chronic kidney disease with only one kidney. The docs told me when I was 24 that my life expectancy was 64-65 and I am 64 now so I think I will prove them wrong. Since I have been prepared to die early in life, I have no fear of dying and I think of it as being freed from this earthly shell and released into my spiritual life. But the knowledge of dying early has also made me more aware of the beauty around me and the appreciation of every moment of every day and how special those people in my life are and how wonderful the natural life on the planet is. I enjoy my life fully and completely and intend to do so until I finally am freed.